The Spring of My Discontent

   A week ago, my greatest nemisis began rearing it's ugly head again. I try to ignore her, but sometimes she's loud, obnoxious, and the harder I try to ignore her the more attention she demands.  Her name is discontentment, and I absolutely abhor her.  Discontentment has been a part of my life for a long time.  Does she visit you as well?  I can sense when she's around.  She sours my mood, changing my perspective on everything around me. Suddenly, I hate the color of my walls. I want to do something drastic to my hair. She makes my world seem ugly and small.  And worst of all, I feel like she laughs at me.  Making me feel that  I am powerless to change anything that could give me some relief.

   I was sitting on my front porch steps wishing that I had more opportunities to see beyond my narrow world. I thought about my Grandmother who was definitely a homebody.  She never had traveled much in her life, and was perfectly fine with that.  She was happiest in her home and garden than vacationing at the beach, in the mountains, or another state or country.  Although you'd never know it from my life's trajectory, I'm not entirely content staying put.  My dream is to see as much of the world as I can and take my family along for the ride. I would love to look at a map at the end of my life and see so many good memories from my travels.  

   Then the Boston Marathon bombings happened.  We all watched, as what should have been a celebration of the human spirit, turn bloody and chaotic.  As the authorities and media began piecing together the identities of the bomber we came to know, as Conrad knew, "the mind of man is capable of anything.” Like a switch flipping, all my longings seemed petty.  People were dealing with life and death decisions. While the surviving terrorist was (thankfully) captured, the five families were mourning the loss of their loved ones. Many survivors of the blasts were recovering from serious injuries such as amputations.  And those who thought they knew these young men sat in disbelief.

(AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

   It is my belief that God never causes bad things to happen. But he will use whatever he has at his disposal to teach us, and sometimes shake us.  That these "dark nights of our soul" can be used to deepen our faith.  I'm not sure I want my frenemy to go away completely. She moves me toward action. We can all use a little kick in the pants sometimes.